Recently I was taking a deep dive into some Montana police reports when I stumbled across the Flathead Police Blotter, and it's absolutely bananas.

It's a guilty pleasure many of us have. Checking the local police roster, reading court cases, or just perusing the local police report. I'm not proud of it. It's akin to standing in line at the grocery store and flipping through the tabloids. Only when it comes to the Flathead Police Blotter, the tabloids might be more believable.

I took a gander at the local Flathead publication, "The Flathead Beacon" and ran across their police report. Below is just one day reported. I've condensed it a bit, but I have not edited the story or facts published on Saturday, December 22nd, 2022.

10:24: A woman got naked and was trying to "shoot up" into her foot.

-It's 10 am and we're already starting out strong. Eesh. 

11:04: A man noticed someone riding his bike that was recently stolen. The man got the bike back without incident except it had different wheels and parts.

-So was it actually his stolen bike, or did the thief swap out the parts to make it look like it wasn't stolen? The world may never know. 

11:39 am: Someone called 911 because they were watching a Chinese Tik-Toker and they kept signing "help" in Sign language

3:11 pm: A man approached a woman on a walking path with a bloody piece of meat and asked her if she "was looking for a good time".

- Hey. Shooters shoot, am I right?

9:22 pm: A man showed up at a local fast food restaurant with a $5 and a hatchet.

- There has to be more to this story. Anyway, I'm automatically calling "Five Dollar Fast Food Hatchet Burger" as my band name. 

10:18 pm: Some teens threw eggs at some drive-thru employees. 

- There is a standard rule worldwide, and that is don't ever mess with the people that make your food. 


As absolutely crazy and even kind of funny as this blotter is, I like that I'm not seeing any violent drug-related crimes. They might have kept those out sure, but it's a nice breath of fresh air from reading the local Missoula crime report.

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